Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
