hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Drunk is a universal language darling
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
