He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
