Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
