The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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