I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
worst night to have a conscience
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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