no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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