i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I forget how to act sober
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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