i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
