Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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