And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
