I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
