Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
