Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
