Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
