just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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