I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
