Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
