you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
