feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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