so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
