haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
