He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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