so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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