I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
