best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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