Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
