My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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