Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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