There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
