it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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