apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
