i just google imaged poop.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
