If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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