Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We have started to decorate penises.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
