WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
