Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is the high leading the old right now
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
