there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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