Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
