'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
