Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
