We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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