Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
