you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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