Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
