Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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