i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
