woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
