she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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