we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
