I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
